Episode 48 - Whose Business are You In?

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Whose Business Are You In?

Have you ever noticed how much energy you can spend trying to make something happen that is completely outside your control?

Someone needs to change.

Someone needs to understand.

Someone needs to make a different choice.

Something shouldn't have happened.

Something needs to turn out differently.

And before you know it, you're frustrated, worried, disappointed, or exhausted.

Today I want to talk about something very simple:

Whose business are you in?

This is an idea I first came across through the work of Byron Katie. She talks about three kinds of business: my business, your business, and God's business.

Your business is what you think, say, choose, and do.

Someone else's business is what they think, feel, say, and do.

And God's business is everything outside our control—what Katie describes as reality.

Now, I know that can sound a little simplistic.

But I think there's something really useful here.

Because so much of our stress begins when we start trying to manage something that isn't actually ours to manage.

Let's put this into the STORY method.

You already know the framework I use:

Situation.
Thought.
Overlying emotion.
Reaction.
Your result.

Let's say your husband is working late.

That's the situation.

Then your mind gets involved.

"He works too much."

"He should want to spend more time with me."

"He shouldn't have taken on that extra responsibility."

Those are thoughts.

And those thoughts create emotions—maybe loneliness, frustration, disappointment, resentment.

Then comes your reaction.

Maybe you withdraw.

Maybe you make a comment.

Maybe you try to get him to see things differently.

Maybe you don't say anything at all—but you replay the whole thing in your mind for the next three hours.

And then comes your result.

You feel even more disconnected.

You feel tired.

You're still thinking about it.

And now you have a second problem: you're upset about being upset.

That's the STORY.

But here's where this idea of "business" gives us another question to ask.

Whose business am I in?

His work schedule?

That's his business.

His choices?

His business.

How he responds to me?

His business.

But what I think, what I say, what I choose, and what I do?

That's my business.

And suddenly, I have something I can actually work with.

What does it mean to control reality?

I think this is where we get ourselves into trouble.

We don't usually walk around saying, "I'm going to control reality today."

We do it much more subtly.

We say:

"This shouldn't be happening."

"She shouldn't have said that."

"He should understand."

"They should have invited me."

"Things should have turned out differently."

And underneath all of that is an argument with what has already happened.

The event has already occurred.

The person has already made the choice.

The words have already been spoken.

And yet our mind keeps going back to court, presenting the case over and over again.

But reality has already given its answer.

That doesn't mean we have to like everything that happens.

It doesn't mean we don't set boundaries.

It doesn't mean we become passive.

And it certainly doesn't mean we stop taking action.

It means we stop spending our energy trying to change something that has already happened.

Because once I accept, This is what is happening, I can finally ask:

What is mine to do now?

That's a very different question.

And this is where I see the connection to art.

This is one of the reasons I believe making art can be such a valuable little break in the middle of an ordinary day.

Not because a watercolor painting is going to solve your problem.

Not because stitching is going to make your husband come home earlier.

Not because making a collage is going to make another person behave the way you want them to.

The art isn't the solution to the situation.

The art can create the space between the situation and your reaction.

And that space matters.

Imagine you're upset.

You could immediately send the text.

You could immediately have the conversation.

You could immediately say what you think.

Or...

You could sit down for ten minutes.

Pull out some paper.

Choose a color.

Make a few marks.

Stitch a little flower.

Cut out a picture.

Write a few words.

And while your hands are busy, your mind has a chance to slow down enough for you to notice what's actually happening inside you.

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

What am I trying to control?

Whose business am I in?

And then:

What is mine to do?

That's the pause.

That's the space.

Think about your STORY again.

Situation:
Something happened.

Thought:
I have a thought about what happened.

Emotion:
The thought creates an emotional response.

Reaction:
I want to do something about it.

Result:
I experience the consequences of that reaction.

But what if we put a little creative space between Emotion and Reaction?

Not to ignore the emotion.

Not to push it away.

Just to give yourself a moment to notice it.

Maybe you journal.

Maybe you paint.

Maybe you stitch.

Maybe you simply sit with a cup of coffee and add a few words to an art journal page.

And then you ask:

Is this mine?

That one question can be surprisingly powerful.

And this is why I love journaling with art.

Sometimes writing a page of words feels like too much.

But give me a piece of paper and a little color, and suddenly I can begin.

I might paint something.

I might write one sentence.

I might glue down a little piece of paper.

And somewhere in that process, I realize what I've really been carrying.

That's what I mean when I talk about The Art of Creative Calm.

I'm not talking about creating beautiful art.

I'm talking about using creativity to make a little space.

Space to notice.

Space to breathe.

Space to think differently.

Space to choose what comes next.

And you don't need a complicated art project.

This is something I want women to understand.

You don't need an hour.

You don't need an art studio.

You don't need to be an artist.

You can take something as simple as the Tiny Village Post that arrives in your mailbox and turn it into a little creative pause.

Take the art print.

Put it in your journal.

Write around it.

Add some color.

Write down what you're thinking.

Use the Creative Reminder.

Respond to the journal prompt.

Maybe turn the little piece of mail into a page about something you're carrying this month.

The mail comes to you as encouragement.

You make it your own.

And that's one of the things I love about creativity.

It gives you somewhere to put your attention while you make room for your thoughts.

So the next time you feel yourself getting worked up...

Before you try to fix the other person...

Before you replay the conversation...

Before you decide what someone else should have done...

Pause.

Ask yourself:

Whose business am I in?

Then come back to your own.

What am I thinking?

What am I feeling?

What can I actually choose?

What is mine to do?

And if you need a little help creating that space...

Make something.

Paint something.

Write something.

Stitch something.

Doodle something.

Take ten minutes and let your hands do something while your mind catches up.

Because sometimes the answer isn't to think harder.

Sometimes we need to create a little space so we can see what we're thinking.

And that's where creativity becomes more than a hobby.

It becomes a pause.

A place to breathe.

A place to notice.

A place to choose what comes next.

That's the Art of Creative Calm.

And I'll see you next time.