Episode 43 - Listen to Your Emotions - But Don't Let Them Lead
In past episodes, I have talked about how emotion comes from the stories that our mind creates. However, not every emotion comes from an unhealthy story. Some emotions are simply the appropriate response to life. Grief is healthy after loss. Sadness is healthy after disappointment. Fear can be healthy when we're in danger. Our emotions are like dashboard lights. They don't necessarily tell us what is wrong, but they tell us something deserves our attention and help. let's talk today about what we might do when the dashboard lights,, come on. Welcome back. I am Cathy Freeman I am so grateful you're here. Did you know that I have added something wonderful to my Tiny Art Village? I have a wonderful art group called My ARt Sisters. but I know there are some of you out there who do not enjoy creating art....but enjoy journaling and would love to have some art to add to your journal. That is why I added the Tiny Art Post. You have the use of Creative Reminder library in the grow joy journaling. You connect to us through the Grow Joy journaling class and use the Creative Reminders It's a great way to feel connected. a wondereful way of giving yourself the health benefits of journaling with a fun, easy twist. Now let me ask you, Have you ever noticed that two people can experience the exact same situation...
and walk away with completely different conclusions? Here are two examples:
One woman doesn't get invited to lunch.
She thinks,
"Oh, they probably already had plans."
Another woman experiences the exact same thing and thinks,
"I guess they don't really want me around." Same event.
Different story. ou send a text to a friend.
Hours go by.
Then a day.
No response.
One person thinks,
"She's probably busy."
Another person thinks,
"I must have said something wrong."
Again...
Same event.
Different story.
So what changed?
Not the circumstance.
The meaning each person gave to it. That is what I mean when I say the story our mind creates. I have not been a great journaler in my life. I do write down short ideas and thoughts. But to put down a whole page...that would take me too long and I hate sitting that length of time. but when I use Grow Joy journaling and the Creative reminders, I find that I am able to slow down long enough to notice...to observe what I am feeling and what is happening before I decide what thoughts might comes next. The journaling is wonderful for noticing....because your mind is always telling a story. And I have learned that wisdom is leanring which stories are true, and which ones were written by fear, hurt, loneliness, or insecurity. One thing I've learned is that our brains hate unanswered questions.
If something happens and we don't know why, our mind doesn't like leaving the page blank.
It starts writing.
Sometimes within seconds.
Someone walks past us without saying hello.
Our mind writes,
"They're upset with me." The event didn't create the emotion.
The story did.
That's a powerful truth.
Because if the story creates the emotion...
Then learning to examine the story can change how we experience life. Here's something that has changed the way I think.
Most of the time, we aren't reacting to what actually happened.
We're reacting to what we think it means.
Let's say a friend cancels lunch.
What happened?
Lunch was canceled.
That's all we know.
But our minds don't stop there.
"She's tired of me."
"She likes her other friends better."
"I'm always the one who cares more."
Do you see how quickly we move from facts...
to assumptions...
to conclusions?
Our emotions begin responding to a story THAT may not even be true.
This is where I think we need to be especially careful.
Because after our mind writes the story...
It often writes another one.
IT JSUT KEEPS GOING DEEPER
Before long, we've stopped describing the event...
and we've started describing ourselves.
That's what identity is. It's the story we believe about who we are. The danger isn't having thoughts.
The danger is believing every thought without asking whether it's true.
HOW DO WE DO THAT? WELL FOR ME - Sometimes before I can EVEN BEGIN TO think clearly, I need to calm my nervous system DOWN. You know I love to create art….art is a wonderful pause button. Now maybe I need something that is quick and simple I have used something called EFT tapping—a gentle tapping technique that helps reduce emotional intensity—or something I have taught before and truly love is the calming exercise SSPT eye movements. You can find a demo on my website un the little cottage titled Village Haven. Scroll down the page and you will see r DIY Stress release.
What you choose doesn’t matter. We simply need something that we can do quickly to break the cycle and stop the racing train of emotion and thought.
The first question to ask is What actually happened?
Stick to the facts.
Not the interpretation.
Just the facts.
2nd question is What story am I telling myself? Basically..what are my thoughts about it?
This is where you become curious instead of critical. Don’t shame yourself for haing those thoughts…simply say, well that’s interesting.
Notice the story.
Don't automatically believe it. ask this 3rd question: Is there another explanation?
Maybe there is.
Maybe there isn't.
But asking the question reminds your brain that one interpretation isn't the only possibility.
That small pause creates room for peace. I love positive thinking. but this is more than simply changing your thoughts. The goal isn't to deny reality.
The goal is to stop adding unnecessary suffering by believing stories that haven't been proven true.
Now for the true situations. You have lost a loved one. Grief is healthy after loss. Sadness is healthy after disappointment.
Fear can be healthy when we're in danger. Just like the car’s dashboard lights that I talked about. These emotions don't necessarily tell us what is wrong, but they tell us something deserves our attention. There are times when we can give that attention, and then there are times, just like when the car needs a mechanic, we might need a little professional help. And that is how we show love and care for ourselves.
Before we finish today, I want to give you something practical.
How do we actually pause before our mind finishes the story?
For me, I begin by paying attention to my emotions. I notice anxiety, sadness, disappointment, anger, loneliness etc.
I don't ignore them. I don’t shame myself for having them….
I become curious. I want to know why they are there and what message they are trying to tell me. I actually ask myself that…
"What is this emotion trying to tell me?" As I said before, not every emotion means we're believing something unhealthy.
If you've lost someone you love, grief is a natural response.
If a relationship ends, sadness is expected.
God never asks us to pretend those things don't matter.
The question isn't whether we should feel them…
The question is:
What do we do with those feelings? For me, the very first step is to take them to our Savior Jesus Christ.
I simply tell him what I am feeling and that I don't really know what to do with all of this emotion. There is something incredibly freeing about admitting our pain instead of pretending we're okay.
We're not stuffing our emotions.
We're saying,
"I don't want to carry this alone anymore."
Then comes the second step.
Sit with the emotion. Now that is a common phrase, you have probably heard it before..
But I think a better way of thinking about it is, don't sit in the emotion. sit beside it. Why? Because "When I sit in an emotion, it surrounds me. It's all I can see. My hurt begins to tell me who I am and what my future will look like.
But when I sit beside the emotion, I acknowledge that it's there. I don't deny it. I don't stuff it down. I bring it to Jesus. I ask Him to sit with me in it. I listen to what the emotion is trying to tell me, but I don't let it have the final say.
Because I have come to understand that My emotions become something I experience—not something that defines me.”
I don't run from it.
I Don't bury it.
Don't try to distract myself from it.
I simply acknowledge that it's there and
Give myself permission to grieve. All the while remembering that "I don't want this experience to decide who I believe I am."
Or…another way of saying it is…
"I don't want this painful moment to become the lens through which I see myself. After the loss of our daughter. I took on that identity, I became known as the woman who lost her daughter. I didn't realize it then, but grief had quietly become part of how I saw myself. it was part of my way of describing who I was.
It was a few years but, I became aware of how tellling people about her in my own introduction was emotionally upsetting for them. I remember seeing the pain on a woman’s face after I told her, It was in that moment, I remember thinking, I don’t want to be the reason another person feels grief. I realized I had taken it on as part of my identity….the woman who lost a child. Aimee will always be part of my story.
Losing her shaped me.
It deepened my compassion.
It changed me forever.
But it isn't the truest thing about me.
The truest thing about me is that I'm a daughter of God.
That loss is something I've experienced.
It isn't who I am.” And it took me a while to truely understand that.
So whatever stage you are in right now, give yourself patience.
Some hurts heal quickly.
Others take years. The goal isn't to rush healing.
The goal is to walk through it with God instead of walking through it alone.
One thing I've learned through my own losses is this:
The pain may not disappear...
but its intensity changes.
What once felt unbearable slowly becomes more bearable.
Not because the loss mattered less.
But because God's grace quietly carried me through one day at a time.
And this is why we need community. Healing was never meant to happen in isolation.
Sometimes we need a friend who simply sits with us.
Someone who listens.
Someone who reminds us that we're loved.
Someone who gently points us back to truth when our own thoughts begin pulling us toward fear.
After Aimee’s death, I realized that God had actually guided me a year before the accident to specific training in these stress releasing technques that I now share. They were and are a blessing for our family. I was blessed with many friends who surrounded us . Each sending love and compassion. I can remember calling one friend in particular in moments during the day when the grief and pain reached great intensity. She had also experienced the loss of a child many years before us. It was her experience that gave her understanding and compassion for what I was experiencing.
So, What ever you are going through...yes, it is hard, yes it is painful. But I can promise you from my own experiences, that someday you will be the one listening and offering love and support to someone else who is going through something similar to what you have experienced..
It’s for those reasons I created the Village Haven inside the Tiny Art Village.
It's a quiet place filled with simple practices that help us care for our hearts when emotions feel heavy. when we need a little boost on our own.
for you it may look like journaling. Sometimes it looks like a breathing exercise.
Sometimes it's a creative project that helps us slow down long enough to hear what our heart has been trying to say.
Because healing isn't about making emotions disappear.
It's about learning how to carry them differently.
Your experiences are real. But none of them need to become part of your identity.
Today remember,
You are deeply loved.
You are seen.
You are cherished.
And. you are never walking through this alone."