Episode 22 - Your Value isn't Measure by Exhaustion

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Today I want to talk about something I began noticing in my own life…

Have you ever noticed that when you describe your day to someone, you often end up emphasizing the hard parts?  The Challenges you experienced/

You mention the problems that came up.
The frustrations.
The things that took extra effort.

And afterward you might even wonder:

Why did I feel the need to explain all of that to this person?

You weren’t trying to complain.  You simply felt the need to share. 

I began noticing this in myself.  It felt as if I thought that if I shared my challenges and struggles a better connection would be established with this individual and myself.   I found that thought interesting and wanted to explore where this might be coming from.

What I found is that…. a person is actually doing something their brain needed in order to feel settled.

Today we’re going to talk about why that happens — and how understanding this can bring tremendous relief to your mind and body.

Welcome back, my friends,

Today I am talking about how Many women live in roles where their most important work is invisible.

We are stabilizers.

We are the ones who:

Notice tension in the room.
Who Calm emotions before they escalate.
Who Anticipate needs before anyone even asks.
We are the ones who Encourage someone who is discouraged.
And we Keep peace when others are frustrated.

Many times it is the woman who manages the emotions of children.

And Sometimes the emotions of spouses.

And more often than not, the emotional climate of an entire home.

But here is the interesting thing.

When someone stabilizes the emotional environment well… situations that would tend to be dramatic lesson or are resolved quickly…

The arguments.
The meltdowns.
The momentary crisis.

And because these situations are minimized or actually never happen, no one realizes that something important took place to create such an atmosphere.

No one says,

“Thank you for stabilizing the emotional climate of our home today.”

Yet neurologically… that may have been the most important work done all day.

I’ve talked before about how our BRAIN NEEDS CLOSURE

Your brain carries a quiet question every day.

Not consciously.

But biologically.

The question is this:

“What I Did today, did it actually matter?” 

For most of human history, the answer to that question came naturally.

People lived and worked together in small groups.

If you contributed something — someone noticed.

Someone said thank you.

Someone saw the effort.

Those signals told the nervous system something very important:

You contributed. You belong here. You can relax now.

When the brain receives that signal, it shifts into what we call the parasympathetic state — the state where the body repairs, restores, and rests.

But when that signal does not occur… the brain keeps searching for it.

WHY WE EMPHASIZE THE HARD PARTS

This is where something very interesting happens.

When effort is invisible, the brain begins to use difficulty as proof.

If the day was exhausting…
then it must have counted.

So we begin explaining the hard parts of the day.

Not for sympathy.

But for evidence.

We are trying to establish reality.

“My day was not empty. I carried something.”

In other words, we are trying to close a psychological loop.

This loop being that the day happened…

But because the efforts were invisible…those efforts went unnoticed and were never officially registered in the mind.

HOW THE NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONDS

When the brain cannot close that loop, it keeps the experience active.

It replays the day.

It reviews conversations.

It searches for resolution.

That process is what we call rumination.

And rumination keeps the nervous system slightly activated.

And The body remains in a mild “alert mode.”

This system releases stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol.

Those chemicals are created to help us solve problems in the moment…

but when they stay active too long, they affect the body.

They keep the heart rate higher.

They tighten blood vessels.

And over time, chronic stress activation can even contribute to higher blood pressure.

So when you find yourself replaying the day in your mind…

your brain is not being dramatic.

It is simply trying to finish something that never received recognition, thus, never received closure.

WHY SHARING THE HARD FEELS RELIEVING

Have you ever noticed that when someone listens and responds with understanding…

something inside you relaxes?

Maybe they say,

“Wow… that sounds like a lot.”

Or,

“You handled a lot today.”

And suddenly your body softens, it relaxes…

That happens because your brain just received something it had been searching for all along:

Acknowledgement.

Acknowledgement tells the nervous system:

“The effort was real. The work is complete.”

And the body finally begins to calm down.

WHEN LIFE PROVIDES NO WITNESS

But many women do enormous amounts of emotional and relational work that simply goes unseen.

Your Preventing problems.

Your Encouraging others.

Your Holding things together.

It’s all very meaningful work.

But it erases its own evidence.

And this creates a problem.

If no one sees the work…

how does the brain know the day counted?

This is where reflective practices become incredibly powerful.

WHY CREATIVE EXPRESSION HELPS

Your brain does not actually need a long explanation.

What it really needs is a marker.

Something that says:

“This day happened. It has been recorded.”

This is why creative practices like journaling, art, and Creative Reminders can be so calming to the nervous system.

These creative acts can become ways of acknowledgment and give your brain something it can see.

Something tangible.

Something real.

The art itself is not the goal.

The art is the witness.

WHY SMALL ACTIONS WORK

Sometimes people feel that a small action — like a single brush stroke — is too little to matter.

But the brain does not measure meaning the way the mind does.

Your mind measures meaning by effort.

But your nervous system measures meaning by completion.

Humans have always used small rituals to mark completion.

The Lighting a candle.

Saying a prayer.

Signing a document.

Closing a journal.

These are not large actions.

They are recognition moments.

They tell the brain:

The experience has been acknowledged. You can now rest.

A SIMPLE PRACTICE YOU CAN TRY

I’d like to share a very simple 5-minute practice you can do at the end of your day.

Think of it as a way of gently closing the loop.

Step one:

Name three contributions.

Not accomplishments.

But the contributions you made that day.

Maybe you listened patiently on a phone call.

Maybe you encouraged someone.

Maybe you stayed calm when someone else was not.

Every Small action, every small effort counts.

Every moment of prevention counts.

Step two:

Make one visible mark.

A brush stroke.

A colored square.

A small piece of collage.

It is ok that it is abstract or feels incomplete, because You are recording the day in a symbolic way.

Step three:

Say this Creative Reminder out loud:

“What I gave today was real, even if no one saw it.”

And finally, step four:

Close the day.

Simply say:

“Today counted. I can rest.”

This small practice gives your brain the acknowledgement it has been searching for.

So WHY does THIS MATTER?

Your value does not have to be proven through exhaustion.

Your life does not only count on the hard days.

Sometimes the most important work we do is quiet and unnoticed.  For example:

Stabilizing emotions.

Offering kindness.

Preventing conflict.

Showing up faithfully.

Those things matter deeply.

Even when they leave no visible trace.

CLOSING

If you’ve ever felt the need to emphasize the hard parts of your day…

now you understand why.

Your brain was simply trying to find a witness.

But the beautiful thing is this:

You can learn to witness your own life.

Through reflection.

Through prayer.

Through creative expression.

Through a simple mark on a page that says,

“I was here today. My life mattered.”

You taking the time to listen to this episode mattered and Thank you for spending these moments with me today.

If this episode encouraged you, please share it with someone who might need this reminder too.

And if you would like to explore the Creative Reminders practice and gentle art journaling with me, you can visit my website where I share classes and resources designed to help women restore calm, clarity, and joy.  At Real Positive Change.com

Until next time…

Remember:

Art doesn’t ask for perfection.

It simply witnesses that your efforts matter and that you were here.