From Struggle to Growth: A Little Creativity Strengthened My Marriage

You would think that after 44 years of marriage, we would communicate better, right? My husband is a talented musician whose gifts have blessed our family for all these years. He’s a compassionate man, and while he’s great at listening and supporting, communication wasn’t always his strong suit—especially coming from a family of men who didn’t do much talking.

Was that because women have a greater need to talk than men? Who knows for sure. The only thing I am absolutely positive about is this: I wouldn’t have stayed married this long if I had chosen to keep a "fixed mindset."

Over the years, I've prayed countless times for my husband to change, but what I’ve realized is that while those prayers didn’t change him, they’ve changed me. And in that change, I’ve discovered tools to help shift my mindset—from one that’s stuck and fixed to one that’s open, flexible, and growing. Through this journey, I’ve learned that mindset plays a huge role in how we experience relationships, including marriage.

Last September, my younger brother unexpectedly passed away. I know that life is short and someone special to us can be taken without warning. This reminds me how grateful I am that my husband is still living. I know several friends who have lost their spouse this past year, which makes me more aware of how fragile life is.

However, when these important needs go unmet, it's easy to attach their lack in our life on someone else, as if they are not meeting this need for us. We need to realize that we are responsible for our own emotional well-being. And this was a realization I came to during a particularly frustrating time in my marriage.

What is a Fixed Mindset?

A fixed mindset is when you believe your abilities, value, and relationships are unchangeable. When I was feeling unappreciated and frustrated in my marriage, I would fall into this mindset. I believed that because my husband wasn’t communicating the way I wanted or needed, it meant he didn’t care enough or wasn’t capable of change.

In a fixed mindset, I would:

• Feel like my needs weren’t being met.
• Become frustrated with him for not reading my mind or understanding what I needed.
• Feel stuck in my feelings and unable to see a way forward.

It was easy to slip into this mindset, especially when I didn’t feel valued or understood. I would begin to feel like a victim of the situation, thinking that nothing could change. But then I realized I was the one who could shift my thinking and my actions.

Shifting to a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that you can improve, learn, and adapt over time. I began to see that my perception of my husband’s lack of communication wasn’t a reflection of his love for me—it was simply his way of expressing himself, based on his upbringing and personality.

What changed for me was realizing that I could control my thoughts and actions. When I felt unappreciated, I didn’t have to stay stuck in frustration. I could use this as an opportunity to grow.

How Creative Practices Helped Me Shift My Mindset

Here’s where Grow Joy's creative practices came in. They helped me break free from that fixed mindset and embrace a more positive, growth-oriented perspective. When I began to feel unvalued, I used creative tools like journaling, positive affirmations, and artistic expression to reset my thinking.

1. Journaling: Writing down my thoughts and feelings helped me process what I was experiencing. It allowed me to release frustration and better understand my emotions. I began journaling about the things I appreciated about my husband, shifting my focus from what he wasn’t doing to what he was doing. This simple practice made me realize how much love and value were already in my life.

2. Positive Affirmations: Instead of focusing on what wasn’t working, I started repeating affirmations like:

   • “I am worthy of love and communication.”
   • “I choose to understand and grow with my husband.”
   • “Every challenge is an opportunity for growth and connection.”

I created a longer affirmation to help me move away from self-doubt and frustration and gave me the strength to see the bigger picture of my marriage. 

I acknowledge the sadness in my heart and the times I have felt ignored or left out, where thoughts of being unvalued and unappreciated have taken root. I recognize these feelings and release them with compassion for myself. I trust that God will guide me through life's uncertainties, bringing calm and peace to my spirit. I forgive those who have unknowingly caused me pain and choose to move forward with a renewed sense of appreciation for the adaptability and strength that God has blessed me with.

I reset my mind to focus on my desire to live like Jesus Christ, serving others and offering help where it is needed. My value comes from knowing that I am in tune with the whisperings of the Spirit, guiding me toward love, peace, and fulfillment.

I am worthy, I am loved, and I am grateful for the growth I am experiencing on this journey.

3. Creative Expression: Whether it was through drawing, coloring, or even crafting, I started to use creativity as an outlet for my emotions. This helped me process my feelings in a nonverbal way and tap into a deeper sense of calm and clarity. Creating something allowed me to feel empowered and in control of my emotional state.   

My Art Expression: Create an image that brings you joy. Let it serve as a reminder of releasing negative thoughts and embracing newfound peace. Whether through drawing, coloring, or any medium you prefer, allow this piece of art to symbolize your transformed mindset.

Birds represent freedom.... freedom to fly.  This little bird has placed herself in the middle of colorful wildflowers.  The loose watercolor style and colors represent for me a calm, free-flowing lifestyle...one that I have learned to have in my relationship.

The Power of Mindset in Relationships

Changing my mindset wasn’t easy, but it made a huge difference in how I viewed my marriage and how I communicated with my husband. I realized that my value isn’t dependent on his actions—my worth comes from within, and when I start from a place of self-worth, I’m more able to connect with him in a healthier, more understanding way.

When I embrace a growth mindset, I no longer feel stuck in frustration. I see obstacles as opportunities to improve, not just in my marriage but in my own personal development.

Takeaway: You Have the Power to Shift Your Mindset

So, if you’re feeling unappreciated or stuck in a fixed mindset, know that you have the power to change your thinking. Through creative practices like journaling, affirmations, and expression through art, you can shift from a mindset of limitation to one of growth.

Just like my marriage, where things have improved not because my husband changed but because I changed, you can create positive shifts in your life by embracing the tools that help you grow.

You deserve to feel valued and appreciated—not just by others, but by yourself. Embrace the journey of growth, and remember that you have the ability to change your mindset and your life, one thought at a time.